In Like A Lion

Today is the last day of March so I am finally starting to relax a little in the assumption that winter is behind us for another 7 months or so.

What I can't relax about is the job search. I did it this afternoon and there was nothing new. When I think that tomorrow is April 1st I cannot believe that I am still not working. At the end of 2009 there is no way I would have said I'd still be searching for a new job as March went out like a lamb.

When faced with a struggle in life, it's all about the minute-to-minute survival. Every moment you get through is a victory, every day a triumph.

And so I have not been searching for a job for over 2 1/2 years, but rather I have prevailed for more than 900 days. When you're living in the trenches of battle and every day you go back to the fight, that knowledge of survival is your greatest weapon.

April 1, 2010. I will see you then.

BitterSweet

One of the last projects I've had to do while I'm not working has been hanging over my head like the giant rain cloud that has positioned itself over Pennsylvania these days. WE ARE NOT SEATTLE -- GO WEST OH DARK RAINCLOUD!!!

Sorry. I'm back.

The project I am finally tackling is to organize all our digital pictures. Last year I did all our print pictures which was a gi-normo (a favorite word of my nephew's) endeavor but still unorganized were all the pictures on the computer and CDs. I am happy to say I am done except for one last piece.

When I found out my company was closing in July 2007, I began to make copies of files and pictures I would need for my job search and for future reference once in a new position. As I make my way through all the disks, I've got a conflict of emotions.

Bitter . . . This company that I worked for was a subsidiary of a well-known corporation and our organization was really in its infancy. The team we put together to grow the business was energized and passionate and smart about where we were headed and how we were going to get there. I suppose one could say I am still bitter because I have not found my next position. And one might be right. But seeing the pictures and files from my time at this company makes me sad that we weren't given more time to really see what we could do. I am angry that all my skills, talent and experience are going to waste.

AND

Sweet . . . Although in the eyes of our parent company we failed, when I look at all the pictures from my time at this company I am so proud of what we were able to accomplish. Since I pledge honesty to my blog readers, I will confess that it is so reassuring for me to see what I was able to do and make happen. I am pretty confident in my abilities for the most part but the amount of time I've spent searching for a job has put chinks in my confidence armour and has caused me to doubt myself and my skills. But there it is, in captured color for me to see.

I did that and can't wait to do it again. In LIVING color.

I Love My Car

I applied for a job over the weekend, so that makes it a little easier to discover no new leads this morning. Not really but I'm trying to stay positive once again at the beginning of a new week. I've applied for 10 jobs this month which is a huge number considering there was hardly any activity the previous 2 months.

This morning I took my car to the dealer to get an oil change. I should tell you something about me and my car. I love my car and treat her with TLC (yes I refer to my car as "her"). I tend to keep my cars for upwards of 10 years and people tell me they would never guess its age by looking at it. Too bad the same thing can't be said about me!

I always get nervous when I take my car in for service because I worry there's going to be expensive things that need to be done. However, the alternative is to not take care of her and then have to buy a new car which is not on our horizon at all these days.

I needed to have a few things done, totalling a little over $200. Again, I will do what I have to, within reason, to keep her healthy.

I drive a Toyota RAV4. I have often said if I had all the money in the world, I would still drive the car I drive. How many things in life can we say that about? If I had all the money in the world would I live where I live? Probably not. If I had all the money in the world would I be worried about the job search. That's a HUGE no!

I love my car. Together we can go anywhere we want. She gets me there safely and in comfort with heat or air conditioning and the music of my choice. We are a team.

Above is a photo of me and my RAV doing what we do best. Cruising down the road, no matter what the weather. And when I land my new job, she'll be safely taking me there, patiently waiting in the parking lot for our drive home. Call me crazy, but I love my car.

Come On 7!

I was doing the job search this morning and realized that as I scrolled through the postings I was holding my breath, literally, searching for a job that looked like me. I realized I have done this before, held my breath, waiting for something to happen that would finish in a happy ending. Then I put 7 + 7 + 7 together and got JACKPOT!

That's right. When I would play the slot machines and the numbers would be whizzing by I would hold my breath until they stopped and revealed themselves to me. Did I win? If so, I couldn't wait to pull the handle again (yes, I'm THAT old) and feel that rush once again.

Now I'm not going to go so far to say I get a rush out of the job search, but in some ways it is the same feeling. I pull the handle (scroll through the job postings) and stop when I find a "winner". It's not something I consciously plan, but my internal need to hit the jackpot and find a job is the same.

The law of averages would say the more you pull the handle, the better chance you have of hitting it big.

Gambling with your "play money" is just that -- gambling. Searching for a job -- that's life. My life.

I'm Gonna Need A Spotter Here!

I did my long job search today and found no new job leads. I was feeling so positive last week and the beginning of this week because there were opportunities I was able to pursue. And now there has been nothing new the last few days.

I have a friend who's been out of work for 9 months. I was emailing with him yesterday and he said he's going crazy and doesn't know how I've done it this long. His job leads have dried up. I feel so bad for him because I know how he feels. Trying to stay positive even though some days you feel so hopeless. Keeping at the job search even when there are no leads. It's no fun and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

I need to write back to him and I want to offer encouragement but I need to find some myself right now. If he believes, as I do, that what's meant to be will happen, then he's got faith as a foundation. But even then, in the day-to-day struggle, I am sorry to say it's not enough. It should be and that's a failing on my part, but I'm being truthful. I will continue to attempt to live in that faith and I will continue to pray for strength and patience and hope for myself, my friend and all the others in this same predicament.

What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger. I am pretty sure at the end of this I will be able to bench press a semi.

Feedback Schmeedback

I was doing my job search this morning and was on a well known employment web site. I was at the bottom of the page and was about to click on "next page" when I noticed an odd question. It read:

Are you satisfied with the jobs on this page?

I was flabbergasted to see such a thing. I mean, is it the employment web site's fault if there just aren't any jobs that match my skills, experience and interest? It's nice to be asked one's opinion, but again, what can the web site do about it any more than I can when there just aren't jobs available?

After I sat there staring at the question for at least a few minutes, I clicked on "No" just to see what would happen next.

I received the following in response:

>>Thanks for your feedback.

I'm really confused as to what this web site was trying to achieve by asking this question and then providing no follow-up based on the reply received. If anything, it's representative of my entire job search the last 2 1/2 years. I see a job that I'm interested in and the job posting is really asking the "question", "Are you qualified?". I "answer" their "question" by applying for the position via my resume, cover letter and online application (where applicable) and then, if I'm lucky, and usually I'm not, I get a thank you and that's the end of it.

This employment web site might not be big on follow-through, but at least they're courteous. A fundamental behavior missing from searching for a job.

Make New Skills But Keep The Old

In an interview a few months ago, the Human Resources Manager asked me what I had been doing during the time I've been out of work to maintain my skills. This is probably a valid question, but I initially found it insulting. Just because I'm not working does not mean I don't challenge myself and use my skills on a daily basis. Yesterday, I was given a solid answer should that question come up again.

One of the jobs I've applied for in the last few days had the following requirement:

Must have working knowledge of blogging software . . .

This is the first time I've seen that on a job posting and I was so happy! First to know that I have indeed developed a skill during my time off that I can not only put on my resume, but quite possibly utilize in my next position.

Secondly, writing this blog is such a joy for me and now it's given me another tool in my career toolbox.

Thirdly, although there are millions of blogs out there, hopefully in my little corner of the world, in my profession, that number is much smaller and having this skill will help to set me apart.

I close with a little blog humor (although you will be the judge of that), a song from my Girl Scout days with a twist:

"Make new skills
But keep the old
One is italic
And one is bold."

My gift to you. No extra charge.

Everything Old Is New Again

We had a beautiful weekend here in Pennsylvania. It's only March so you can't trust that winter is truly over, but it was nice to have a few warm (in the 70s), sunny days.

I did the job search this morning and I found another lead. Once again, to apply for this position will take all of my investigative skills, but I am up for the challenge. I wouldn't go so far as to say it's fun, but I do enjoy feeling like I'm working hard to move myself forward in the job search.

My husband and I spent a lot of time this weekend doing things around the house. Since we are watching our spending with me being out of work, most of the time I am overwhelmed at everything that needs fixing around here. What I realized this weekend is that even small things can really make a difference. We bought a new trash can as well as new switch plates for our kitchen. With some major cleaning, our bathroom and kitchen are sparkling and have that "I just bought 'em aren't they great?" look to them. A little elbow grease and $20 went a long way this weekend. Understanding that I can improve my situation with some sweat and very little expense will go even farther.

I'm going to go investigate this job opportunity. After I look at my new trash can and shiny 50+-year-old-stove. And I'm not even kidding.

A Danger To Myself and Technology Around Me

Yesterday while doing the job search, our mouse finally stopped working. It had died a slow death, and then finally moved its last cursor. We had a brand new mouse here so I didn't have to run out and buy a new one and this new mouse, in the words of my husband, is the Mercedes-Benz of mouses. It's cordless and reacts instantly to the slightest move. You know how you have something for a long time and you just assume it's still working as well as it once did? Like when you get new glasses and you realize how much you've been missing? We knew our old mouse was slowly slipping away but we had no idea just how sick it was until we installed the new one!

Feeling like a tech pro after setting up the new mouse, I decided to tackle another issue. When I was scanning those writing samples the other day to apply for a job, I was reminded that our scanner wasn't working properly. I was unable to scan directly to the computer, but had to put an SD card into the scanner (it's a printer/scanner/fax/copier all-in-one) and scan onto the card. At one time I could scan directly to the computer but haven't been able to for a long time.

I Googled some info and then got on a live chat with HP. They basically led me back to the website I had found on my own and I started working through those steps. I didn't get the scanner working, but I did manage to mess up my McAfee Anti-Virus program settings. I finally figured out what I had done there and adjusted the settings back to where they were. Then I realized that when I installed McAfee for the first time last May, that's what caused the scanner to stop "connecting" with the computer so I reinstalled the HP all-in-one software and now the scanner will work directly with the computer!

Don't get me wrong I am so glad I got the scanner working but what should have been a 30-minute to an hour process became hours spent trying to get things working again that were working fine to begin with. Things start out smoothly and you start feeling like you know what you're doing, only to find out that you really don't.

When I was signing on for the live chat with HP, they ask you to rate yourself as far as computer knowledge. I gave myself an intermediate rating (between beginner and expert).

What the rating should have read was "Knows enough to do some real harm". Know your limits people, know your limits.

Put Me In Coach!

Yesterday I told you that I had found a job I wanted to apply for and that it required that I send writing samples with my resume via email. I tried several times but kept receiving an immediate email back saying my email could not be sent. I attempted to pare down my samples but still had no luck.

Finally, I emailed the address and asked how large a file I was able to send them and I received an email today from a live person saying I could send me information directly to her! You have no idea how exciting this is and yet I refuse to allow myself to get too ramped up.

I also found another position today which I'm going to apply for. After days and weeks of no leads, I am very grateful for the activity the last few days.

They say that "You've gotta play to win". I wanna win for sure, but more than anything I want a chance to play.

This Is Personal

I found 2 job openings today that I'm going to apply for. I'm not going to be so crazy as to say things are improving, just let the record show that this is 3 jobs in 2 days that match my skills, experience and interests.

One of the positions requires writing samples be sent with your resume, so I am working now to pull those together in an electronic format.

You would think the four funerals I've attended already this year would teach me that life can change on a dime, but today it really hit home when I found the 2 job openings. When there are no job possibilities, then I feel stuck and hopeless. When there is a job posting that fits well with what I know I can do and what I want to do, I realize that when the right one comes along, everything could happen very fast and change everything quickly.

I wish I could send my blog as a writing sample, but that would be more than a conflict of interest, not to mention a little scary. When your professional and personal worlds collide it can be a nerve wracking thing, and even though my blog is about my professional quest, there is nothing more personal than it.

Weary-noying

My husband's grandmother passed away a few weeks ago and today he and I spent the day at her house helping his family clean out and up her house so it can be put on the market for sale. Obviously, if I were working, I probably could not have taken the day off to help so I am grateful that I could.

As I've mentioned before, the job search is never far from my mind and as soon as I got home, that's what I did. I found one position that I'm going to apply for which is better than the no positions that have been the norm of late.

I'm not gonna lie to you Friends. I am tired! Or am I weary? m-w.com says that the meaning of "weary" is "exhausted in strength, endurance, vigor or freshness". OK, I am definitely weary. I love that word and don't use it near enough! The next time someone asks you how you are, say "I am weary". I dare you. I double dog dare you.

OK, now I'm just annoying. Weary and annoying. I will try to keep both these attributes out of my cover letter AND resume when I apply for the job. Wish me luck!

Isn't It Ironic?

Last night I dreamed I was working and managing a National Sales Meeting. The meeting wasn't one I had actually done in the past but there were some people at the meeting I had worked with in two different companies. Things were going well in my dream and it didn't seem as long ago as it really has been since I last was on-site at a meeting I was responsible for.

I woke up remembering this dream and thinking, once again, that it's a new week and a new chance for something to happen that would get me back to work. I just finished the job search and there are no new leads.

I am going to hold on to this dream as a sign. I'm so desperate to believe this is all going to work out in the end that I am looking for anything to grab onto at any turn. Today I am sad and worried about my future, but trying to keep it at bay and stay positive. Like searching for a new job, trying to stay positive is also a full time job.

I am unemployed, yet never have I been so busy.

The Corner Office With All The Windows Will Do Fine

I have been on hold with Pennsylvania Unemployment this afternoon for 38 minutes so far. While on hold, there is a mix of music and announcements being made. Most of the announcements are about tax forms having been mailed out for 2009 or places to go on the web for assistance with unemployment compensation. They also talk about a website where you can go to find available jobs.

The announcement says "If you are looking for a job or career advancement, visit . . . "

Really, in my case, isn't accepting a job offer career advancement? In fact, is it not a HUGE PROMOTION? Can the keys to the Executive Washroom be far behind???

I am ready, will and able. Promote away.

My Thoughts Exactly

I was doing my long job search this morning and was looking for openings at a company I am very interested in working for. They don't post available jobs on their company website but use an employment website. I went on this site, entered the company's name and the picture above shows what the result was.

And that, my friends, sums up my entire long job search this morning.

Give Me A Ring Sometime

Last week I had some medical tests done and I've been waiting for a call from my doctor's office with the results. They finally called today and I got to thinking. How much of our life do we spend waiting for the phone to ring?

I remember as a child getting to use the phone when I was of the age to have friends call me. Of course, my teenage years were spent waiting for a call from a special boy and my girlfriends. (This was before we had cellphones, but after the tin cans and some string method.) My early 20s were spent waiting for phone calls from friends to make arrangements for a night out or still, from that special boy.

By my mid-20s I had met that special boy and my waiting for the phone to ring was over. Or so I thought.

For the last 2 1/2 years I've waited for potential employers to call me in reply to receiving my resume. I've waited for them to call to schedule a phone interview. I've waited for them to call to schedule a personal interview. And I've waited for them to offer me the job.

I think back to the time when I met my husband and I know at the time I thought my love-hate connection with the phone was over. After all, I'd met "the one". But many years later, I am still taunted by the quiet phone and the non-blinking light on the answering machine.

I got the ring, but am still waiting for the call.

Blogkeeping News

I'd like to invite all of you to post comments on my blog. I've created a comment section and would love to hear from you.

If you click on an individual post by clicking on the title of that post, you will see at the bottom of the post an option to post a comment.

Looking forward to your thoughts!

Be Careful What You Wish For

Remember yesterday I said I applied for a job that I found online and that after sending my resume and cover letter in via an online application, I would wait and wait and wait (in the words of Buzz Lightyear) to "Infinity and Beyond"? Turns out I was wrong.

Last night I got an email from the company at 8:46 p.m. saying, basically, thanks but no thanks. After months and months of not hearing back from companies when I apply for a job with them, I was stunned. Once my shock wore off, I was mad because I had just sent my information in and I felt the quick turnaround time meant they didn't even look at my extraordinary (in my humble opinion) background and experience.

Then I realized that I've been complaining that I never hear back from companies and now here was a reply in a few short hours.

I guess, really, potential employers are damned if they do and damned if they don't. Unless, of course, they offer me the job. Then they can go straight to Heaven! Do not pass go, do not collect $200.

Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain

Monday. A new week. I found one new job lead this morning to which I will apply. And wait. And then I'll wait some more. And then there will be additional waiting. This is my life.

I've decided to digress on this blog entry. I try hard to keep this blog about my job search but sometimes the rest of my life will creep in.

I watched the Oscars last night. I am a big Tim McGraw fan. I have seen him in concert a bunch of times, many times from the front row. We've shared "moments"*.

Last night, I saw him without his trademark cowboy hat on the Oscar red carpet. Of course I've seen him before without his hat, but last night was more memorable than the other times. It didn't even look like him!

Some things should be left to the imagination. Some things should be kept a secret. I don't want to see the mall Santa getting out of his F150 pickup truck with the "Drive It Like You Stole It" bumper sticker. I don't want to see the Wizard behind the curtain. I don't want to help the Phillie Phanatic get dressed at a grocery store appearance like I did one time (don't ask).

I will try to banish Tim's image from last night from my mind. "Live Like You Were Dying", Tim, but do it with your hat on please!



* By "moments" I mean he has touched my hand as he's walked across the stage. But our eyes met. And things were conveyed in that one look. Then security may or may not have asked me to leave.

A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes

I can't believe it's Friday again and another week has come and gone. Another week of no new job leads. I keep wondering how long this can go on, how long can I hold out until circumstances force me to take any job I can get versus a job in my field.

I say that as if it will be easy to get any old job, but when I really think about it I realize that might not even be without a lot of struggle. I heard someone say "A good job these days is anything that pays the bills" and it is so true.

Everywhere you go you hear stories of people living their dream or you are told to never give up your dream. Life is Good says to "Do what you like, like what you do". Garth Brooks sings "The River" where he says "You know the dream is like a river, Ever changing as it flows, And a dreamer's just a vessel, That must follow where it goes . . . ". We're taught to wish upon a star and Oprah tells us to "Live Your Best Life". Are only some people chosen to get their dream or is really attainable for all of us?

My dream is a simple dream, or so it seems to me but I am not exactly impartial. I want a job that allows me to use my skills and my passion to contribute to something bigger than myself and that pays me to do so.

When do you know it's time to give up the dream? I suppose it's when the dream is standing in the way of your quality of life. I guess the key is not to give up on your dream but keep it close as you pursue other avenues to get you through the rough spots.

In Cinderella there is a song, "A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes". That's it -- I need a Fairy Godmother! I'll bet right now, In A Land Far, Far Away, there is a Fairy Godmother searching the online job sites just like I do everyday. I'll give her a job and then she'll get me a job.

Do you think a Fairy Godmother is afraid to go on monster.com?

Amen Sister!

I did the long job search last night after dinner and again, there were no new leads. I did the short search today, which I do every day and again, there were no new leads.

I was feeling really down last night and was instant messaging with one of my dearest friends. I told her I was feeling trapped in every way.

She replied, "Trapped is a good way to put it. There isn't much you can do in the present situation and you're not the type of person to be trapped or controlled by anyone or anything."

Amen Sister!

I said a prayer of gratitude that someone knows me so well.

I'm still feeling down today and tired, both mentally and physically. I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and going nowhere. I feel trapped.

But behind me I have the love of people who really know me, who really get me. And what is more freeing than that?

Return to the Scene of the Crime

As I mentioned in a prior post, I had worked for a company for 12 years and this company was 2 1/2 miles from my home. Then, I went to work for another company, the one that would shut down after I was there for 18 months, and this company was 35 miles from my home. I had never spent any time in this area so I was a complete fish out of water when I first arrived.

Slowly but surely, I learned my way around, but there were some challenges. My office was off-site from the Headquarters office and on Day 2 I had to go to HQ for a meeting and I got lost. Not a good sign for the new Meeting & Event Planner to get lost. But I quickly learned to navigate to HQ, gas stations, lunch spots and other shopping opportunities in the area.

It has been over a year since I've been up that way, but today I returned to do some window shopping in my favorite haunts and just kind of check everything out in the area. Even though I worked there for only 18 months, today everywhere I looked I saw places I had made regular visits to. It was very strange to be back.

I did not drive by my old office. I am sure that most people I worked with at this company have moved on. I, however, have not and am still bitter. It's hard not to be when 2 1/2 years later I am still unemployed. What makes it even worse is I loved the job I had and sometimes I worry that it will be the best job I ever have.

I suppose that once I am employed again this bitterness will wane if not disappear altogether, unless of course this next job is disappointing. I know that beggars can't be choosers, but it's very hard to accept that I might have to settle, if even for a short time.

Until then, I hold no hard feelings towards the area where this company resides. It was good to see it again today and remember, that for a time, I expanded my horizons, and wonder, when and where my next workplace will be.

Most days I'd be happy with an answer to the "when" part.

Letter to Sen. Jim Bunning

Dear Jim:

Ordinarily, I would not start a letter to a Senator by using their first name, but since you think you know me so well, I figured I would, could and should return in kind. You see, Jim, I am unemployed and I understand that you are standing in the way of me paying my mortgage.

You might feel that your first priority is the country's deficit but I will not apologize when I say I am worried about MY deficit. I lost my job because my company shut down. Prior to this, I had worked since I was in high school. Other than an injury, vacation and holidays, I have worked every day since the age of 16 until things began to take a turn for the worse in the United States and companies, mine included, could no longer stay in business.

So, Jim, I've gotta take you off my Christmas card list and I'm gonna stay in my seat the next time your are announced onto the field during a Phillies game. Oh, that's right, if I can't pay my mortgage, I certainly can't attend any more Phillies games. I'll stay firmly planted on my couch then. Oh, that's right, if I can't pay my mortgage my husband and I may have to move in with my parents and they don't have cable.

If you don't want to grant me an extension on my unemployment compensation, then how about finding me a job? Because while you're sitting in Washington, DC trying to block a bill that will allow people like me to pay their bills, I'm here on the computer, every day, searching for a job, making calls and connecting with people and businesses that might be able to use my particular experience and skills, laying awake at night with worry, by day alternating between panic and numbness.

With disbelief and disgust,

Sister Rain

Curb Your Enthusiasm

It's been a busy Monday so far and now I'm doing the job search. I thought I'd take a break and blog. Writing this blog is a break for me. It forces me to stop and take stock of not only my job search, but life in general. And then I get to share it with all of you.

There's been some drama in my 'hood since yesterday afternoon. There is a 2-unit apartment right next door to us and yesterday afternoon the renters in the top apartment put what looked like an entire room of furniture out by the telephone pole at the curb. I am not saying we own the telephone pole, but it's in a direct line of where we mow, so technically it's on our property.

Since the snow has not entirely melted, there is a 2' pile of snow behind where I park my car when I park out front. When I discovered the mound-o-furniture yesterday, I saw that the love seat was perched precariously in such a way that should the snow melt from the pressure of the love seat, it would more than likely slide into the back of my car. Super.

My husband wasn't home until 5:30 p.m. and he proceeded to go over there as soon as he came home. He knocked on their door, there was no answer, so he accidentally-might-have moved the love seat to the other side of the snow mound.

Oh, this gets even better. I checked our borough's* web site and Thursday morning, not Monday morning, is the day you're supposed to put bulk items out. Bulk meaning a whole room of furniture. But the policy is you're only to put one item out.

Sure enough, the trash collectors came this morning and did NOT take any of the furniture. So now my husband has made both a call and a visit to our Borough Office and they are going to call the landlord about this. Since the trash collectors didn't take it this morning, it's now like patio furniture except it's on the sidewalk.

I do not plan on being buried, but if I did, my tombstone would read "What is wrong with people?". Since I doubt I will discover the answer to this while I'm alive, I'm hoping it all becomes clear in the hereafter.




*Per Wikipedia and Dictionary.com: A borough is an incorporated municipality smaller than a city. In principle, the term borough designates a self-governing township.