All I Can Do Is Keep Digging

Today we are having our carpets professionally cleaned. We have a wet vac, but it has failed to get the dirty areas clean and so has spot cleaning. A tip for you, if you ever buy carpeting -- I realize hard wood is the preference these days -- go black. Once you go black, you never go back and I swear I am talking about carpeting.

Since my husband and I moved all the furniture out of the rooms we are having cleaned, it gave me an opportunity to crawl around on my hands and knees with a dust rag and a can of Pledge to wipe down our wood baseboards. So much fun, especially in the rainy, ugly, 88% humidity.

I then moved on to the wood doors and it was there I met the enemy, The Splinter.

At first I wasn't even sure the splinter was still in my hand, had it gone in and come out? There was a dark mark but it could have been the result of the splinter having left the premises. My husband and I both tried to determine if the intruder was still embedded but we couldn't. He tried squeezing my hand from the bottom like that last drop of toothpaste (yes, he got his medical degree at Home Depot) but nothing popped out. I went upstairs and got under my bed light with a safety pin and began digging away. It hurt and yet I still couldn't tell after I scraped up some of the skin.

I had my BlackBerry with me so I quick Googled (God Bless Google) "remove splinter" and there was a suggestion of using baking soda. It did say, however, to do this only after you'd tried digging and taping and tweezering.

We interrupt this blog post for a Public Service Announcement: Click HERE for that baking soda remedy.

I continued scraping around with my safety pin like the archaeologists over in Egypt, hoping to uncover a small piece of the treasure, without disturbing it and God forbid breaking it into pieces. Finally, I saw the tip of it appear out of my skin and was able to grab it between my fingernails. At last, the Shard of Pain was exhumed.

Since everything in my life is One Degree of Separation from the job search, I looked at this teeny tiny shard and related it to my job search. Like the splinter, it's under my skin and it hurts. It's all I can think about and I've tried everything to dig out the job that fits me -- phone calls, emails, old-fashioned U.S. Postal letters (with a stamp and everything) -- only to have it elude me and continue to hurt and weigh heavy on my heart and mind. I've tried Googling for how to "remove unemployment" but there have been no answers.

Although the splinter didn't make me cry as the job search has, the splinter made me curse, it made me sweat and it made me mad.

Baking soda is not going to get me a new job. If it was, I'd be backing up a U-Haul to Costco right now. It's gonna take more digging and more sweating and a lot more cursing. I'm gonna need a bigger safety pin . . .

Why Did The Chicken Not Open Her Email?

I have always had this (some might say bizarre) thing where if I'm waiting to get an answer on something and the answer comes in a "package", I procrastinate opening the package for a long time. By package I mean if it comes in an email or a voice mail or some other message format. My reasoning (as irrational as this is I've still got reasoning) is that if I don't open it then I can still hold on to the hope that it's a positive answer. If I look and it's a negative response, all hope is lost.

Last night I sent a follow-up email to my contact at a company I am very interested in. I had a phone interview several weeks ago that I felt went very well and they had told me it would be a few weeks but I figured there was no harm in showing interest and initiative.

This morning at 10:51 a.m. I received an email back. Four hours later, it remains unopened.

Cluck, Cluck

Now I Lay Me Down To Job Search

It's almost 11:30 p.m. and I came up to get ready for bed but wanted to finish a few job search emails. I've just sent them off and find myself looking through job sites -- the same ones I looked through less than 12 hours ago. If wishing could make it happen, it would have happened by now and I would not be sitting here doing what seems to be futile acts a half-hour before midnight.

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Ridiculous times call for ridiculous measures.

Searching for a new job is a full time job. This full time job calls for overtime.

Good night.

If You Accept This Mission . . . As If I Have A Choice

Another rainy gray day in Pennsylvania as far as weather goes but in other news, the Philadelphia Phillies are the National League East Champions for the 4th year in a row! Can I get a Woot-Woot!?

I'm doing the job search today and hoping and praying that something breaks. It's been difficult the last week trying to stay positive and to keep chipping away at it. Other than the mental scarring, it's almost like the 3 months of working never happened and I am right back where I was those 3 years searching for a job. It's as if I took 2 steps forward and 3 back.

I see the physical signs of those 3 months -- paperwork, my badge (this company was so messed up they never even asked for my ID badge back), new work clothes and shoes, etc. And I remember all the places I travelled to while in their employ.

And yet here I sit, in my home office, on a Tuesday afternoon, going through all my job search websites once again. Truthfully I never stopped looking but now there is more at stake as I need to find something soon.

I just realized that my beloved Phillies aren't the only ones who have a Mission October. Hopefully a "Mission Accomplished" blog entry is not far behind. For both me and my boys!

Word Of The Day: Bigfoot

Although one of the reasons I created this blog was to get myself to write everyday, the last thing I want to do is write for the sake of writing. The last few days have been filled with being busy with housework and other projects with the cream on the top always being my feeling of hopelessness and being stuck over the job search. The cream, by the way, is sour and gross.

Rainy and gray Monday here in Pennsylvania. I gave myself some time today to take a breath but I did get some things done. I even cleaned out email and was amazed at all the emails in my inbox and outbox.

The outbox shows all the resumes and cover letters I've sent to potential employers. The inbox is pretty bare in comparison, except for the automated confirmation letters you sometimes receive when you've applied for a job.

Your inbox should always be fuller than your outbox, don't you think? Or at the very least, my inbox should be directly proportional to my outbox. My inbox should be full of interview confirmations and offer letters in response to the resumes and cover letters.

Isn't there some scientific technological law for this? Or is more a phenomena, like Bigfoot or the Bermuda Triangle? Why is life so full of so many questions and so little answers? WHY ISN'T MY INBOX FULL???

The saddest part of this inane blog post is that I had to google "Bigfoot" to see if it is one word or two.

The Best Thing About The First Day Of Autumn

The season premiere of "The Big Bang Theory".

A Profitable Sign

I just applied for a few new jobs and I also (drum roll please) have an interview tomorrow morning for a position I've been working with a recruiter on.

On a recent flight for my JFH (Job From Hell) I sat next to a very nice lady who just took a job with a non-profit organization. I told her that my dream job is to be a Wish Coordinator for the Make-A-Wish Foundation, but the position's salary is not enough for what my husband and I need. I "wish" that it didn't have to be that way, but it is.

This woman was telling me that she's one of a few people in her non-profit who gets paid a salary and she encouraged me to not give up on the non-profit world. Now here I am interviewing with a non-profit tomorrow and I've seen the salary range and it's comparable to my requirement.

I've given up on looking for signs but maybe it's when you give up looking for them, they find you. Could it really be that simple?

Sister Rain Is Falling Down, Falling Down, Falling Down

Today is honestly the first "quiet" day since I started the-job-that-sucked in early June that I am alone with my thoughts. I usually love these days but this one is hitting me hard.

Now I am back to wondering what the Hell just happened with a little "Why? Why? Why?" thrown in for good measure. Lots of talking to God is going on today and frantic online job searching. I am back to not knowing what to do to change my situation and feeling hopeless about it.

I know it's better to keep busy and keep the negative thoughts at bay, but conversely, at some point you've got to have a breather to get yourself together. Instead, it's causing me to be even more "untogether", if that's even possible.

At this pity-party for one, I feel like the kid playing musical chairs whose left without one when the music stops.

Good Deed Of The Day . . . Maybe Even The Week

This morning I went to my local Hallmark store to purchase some cards. A lady, J, who works at this store was once my co-worker and she was there this morning with another lady also working. As I picked out my cards, I heard them laughing at the front of the store.

When I went to check out I told her that they were having way too much fun for a Monday morning. J then told me that they had found a mouse in a box they were unpacking and that they had taken the mouse outside. When I left the store J's co-worker was outside speaking with a customer and they pointed the mouse out to me. The poor little guy was so tiny and he was in this huge, busy parking lot! I took the cards out of my bag and spent several minutes trying to capture him. Finally I did.

I held the Hallmark bag in one hand and drove him to a local park. I felt bad separating him from his family, he was obviously a baby, but I figured he had a better chance at this park than in the parking lot.

I love animals. Do I want Baby Mouse living in my house without my permission? No. But I not going to let him get run over in a parking lot either.

Have a good life little guy.

A Privilege And An Honor

I apologize for not staying in touch. Last week was filled with helping my husband with a project for his work and then on Friday and Saturday my husband's family had a garage sale and we were there all day.

Yesterday was a great day. My dear friend L is a runner. When I say "runner" I don't mean she jogs a couple of times a week. She is a RUNNER. She has run 2 marathons and is faster than ever. Yesterday she ran in a 1/2 Marathon and my husband and I were there to support her.

Just like all of us, L is many things. She is a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law, an aunt, a niece, a friend. And she is a RUNNER. Running is her passion and she uses her gift of running to raise money for people with cancer and military families going through rough times.

L has given me many gifts over the years. There are the material ones which I use and display proudly and think of her and our friendship every time I see them. She has given me laughter and support and advice and hugs. No one gives a hug the way L does. She has given me love and she has given me me when I can't find me. And so much more.

Watching someone you love work so hard at something and EXCEL doing it is a privilege and an honor. I am not a sit-on-the-sidelines-kind-of-girl, but for L there is NO PLACE I'd rather be.

Hold On To Your Reality . . . With Both Hands

I certainly don't want this blog to become continual entries of quotes but last week my friend J sent this to me and I have not been able to get it out of my head.

"Things are going to change – that is their nature. One day you succeed, one day you fail; one day you are at the top, another day you are at the bottom. But something in you is always exactly the same, and that something is your reality."
-- Osho

I believe this with every fiber of my reality. So hold on to yours.

Discreetly in public of course . . .

Taking Time To Smell The Roses

I went to lay by the lake today
And I enjoyed the beautiful day
Blue sky
Warm sun
Light breeze

I even noticed the feel of grass under my bare feet
It was a great day but not reality

No drama
No stress
No job

That last one's a problem

God Bless America

My husband and I visited Ground Zero six months after 9/11. I will never forget our trip there nor will any of us forget where we were that beautiful September morning when everything changed.

This morning when I got up I thought I would blog about our experience visiting Ground Zero back in early 2002 but then we went to our 5-year-old nephew's soccer game. We were at the soccer field at 8:45 a.m. and I observed a private moment of silence and thought about all those people in New York City, in the World Trade Towers, the people on Flight 93 and the people in the Pentagon.

When I looked up I saw all the young children running around on this equally beautiful September morning. I thought about how they weren't even born when September 11th happened and I was glad for them that they had not lived through it. Of course, I couldn't help but worry what they and our country might face in the years ahead. I can't control the future, I must have faith. One thing I know for sure.

In 1814, when the Star Spangled Banner was written our flag WAS still there, after September 11th it IS still there and when these children are adults it will CONTINUE to be there.

Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave
-- Francis Scott Key

AMEN.

PA Ink

These hotel pens are about the only thing I've got to show for my last 101 days in the worst job I've ever had.

Tomorrow really is the first day of the rest of my life.

At least I've got lots of pens to fill out lots of applications. If it were 1980 that is.

Drip, Drip, Drip

These last 2 days of employment are like a water torture.

What Is Wrong With Me?

3 a.m. in the morning and I'm watching "Keeping up with the Kardashians" and "Real World".

Why am I worrying about a job I will be rid of in less than 38 hours?

Turning The Page

Today is the last day of our long Labor Day weekend at the New Jersey shore. We are headed home tomorrow.

Tonight, after dinner, I did the job search on my work laptop. Truly, my laptop is one of the only things I will miss about my job. Oh, and the paycheck; let's not forget that.

I found no new leads really. As I drive home tomorrow, with each passing mile I will grow increasingly worried about my future and finding a job. I know that every time you return from a vacation you must go through the process of returning to reality.

As I close the book on my current employer this week, I look forward to the next chapter in my work life. Here's hoping that new chapter is long and not a short horror story as this last one was. A light comedy with some personal growth sounds just about right.

In My Opinion

There is nothing better than the feeling of warm sand between your toes.

The Last Hurrah? I Don't Think So

I am down at the New Jersey Shore with my Mom and my husband for a long Labor Day weekend. Many consider this the end of shore visits until next summer, but my Mom and I will continue to visit in the fall and then we'll be back in the winter.

Today on the beach I saw a very sad site. Some broken beach chairs were left by the trash cans as they had seen their last day of being unfolded and set in the sand. I realize there is no sense in taking a broken beach chair home and perhaps the proper place to leave it is in the sand.

I got to wondering:

Where do beach chairs go when they die?

I believe they go to Heaven, where the angels sit in them and watch the waves and the ocean.

For there is no doubt the ocean is in Heaven.

And the broken beach chairs aren't broken anymore and they sit in the sand again.

Friday Before Labor Day Potpourri

I am doing the job search and some work work while listening to iTunes on my computer. I never think to play music while working at home but today I have it cranked and am singing along. Another small sign that I am coming out of the dark (Thank you Gloria Estefan) and returning to the Sister Rain I want to be.

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Today we are planting a tree that we recently bought. We are NOT outside/landscaping kind of people, but I saw one of these in all its blooming glory and had to have one. Ours is a youngen but it'll be fun to watch it grow. BTW, it's a crape myrtle.

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"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
-- George Eliot

(Ironically, George Eliot was born Mary Anne Evans. She was an English novelist and one of the leading writers of the Victorian era.

She used a male pen name, she said, to ensure that her works were taken seriously. Female authors were published under their own names during Eliot's life, but she wanted to ensure that she was not seen as merely a writer of lighthearted romances. An additional factor in her use of a pen name may have been a desire to shield her private life from public scrutiny and to prevent scandals attending her relationship with the married George Henry Lewes, with whom she lived for over 20 years.

There is your literature lesson of the day. You're welcome.)

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I told you it was a potpourri. If only this could be a Scratch 'N Sniff blog . . .

Oh Where Oh Where Will I Wear You Again?

Today was spent going through my work computer files and emails in preparation for my last day next week. I also did the job search and spoke with a recruiter several times who has submitted me for two positions. Here's hoping.

I also am doing some wash. As I was hanging some of my shirts that I wear to work on the line out back, I wondered when and where I would wear these shirts again.

I am staying hopeful and positive that they will be back in the dirty laundry hamper soon, but until then they are blowing in the breeze, waiting to see where we will end up next.

A First For Me

I am back from the last business trip I will go on for my current employer and although I was in Ohio, if you ask me where I REALLY was I'd have to say Hell. The trip only solidified my decision to resign last week and I know without a doubt it was absolutely positively the right thing to do. Not that I had second thoughts before I went to Hell on Sunday night.

Tonight I am back doing the job search and what do I see but my current job posted. I have never seen this before with any of the jobs I've moved on from so it was very strange and like a traffic accident, I was kind of horrified but also I couldn't look away. It sat there, MY title, MY job, but I never looked any further than the title. I know what the job description says but more importantly, I know what the job really is.

I will not be giving the name of the company or the position but let me promise I am sending out cosmic signals to all my readers in the hope that if they are searching for a job, and they see my position, that they keep searching.

Save yourself. I have.